I know I know

it has been forever since I posted. Time just gets away from me and I like to take the time to write something of substance and I just haven't had it in me lately. Here are some pictures and updates on Leila.

Aunt Dani came to stay with us for a weekend and Leila decided that she needs an ipod. I think she will have to wait a few years for that, but she sure enjoying Dani's!


So it has been snowing like no other this year. I HATE winter and Leila does too, proven by the tortured look on her face when I took her out to inspect the snow. Yeah, I know I look stupid, big surprise.


She doesn't mind looking at it from inside though...


She has also decided that she likes the baby stroller as a nice portable Leila chair :)


Her buddy Bryce was over to play and Leila and Bryce shared some carrots and a chair, they are just the cutest ever!!!


One of Leila's favorite things to do is dance. She knows all of the actions to "The wheels on the Bus" and she loves to show them off! Her favorite song is Low by Flo Rida. She goes NUTS when it comes on and she sings "low low low." I took some video of her dancing to it tonight, but I haven't uploaded it yet.
Cory has been coming to the rec center with me some of the time when I go to run and lastnight we took Leila out of her stroller after running on the track and she could hear the music from the aerobics room. She started dancing in the hallway and wouldn't let us leave until she could dance to the whole song. In the car she sits in her car seat and she says "Daddy Dance!" "Mommy Dance!" "Leila Dance!" She just gets more fun all the time.

Here is a picture of her dancing to "Low" with her daddy. Cory made me promise not to get his dance moves in the picture:


Leila reading with her daddy. If she isn't playing with her letters, blocks or dancing...we are reading books!

Leila can identify all of the letters of the alphabet and she can count to 10...yeah that's right, she is a genius ;)

And one last shot of my little beauty....

Sorry for the delay

Because I promised pictures and didn't come through I will get to the good stuff first and the rambling later.

We really didn't get many Christmas pictures unfortunately, and we took none on Christmas Eve this year, the whole thing was kind of a blur...here is what we have though.

Here is Leila opening one of the only presents that she was interested in :) A "Product of University of Iowa Alumni" sweatshirt


This was her real interest on Christmas morning...the bowl of chex mix that Grandma Lori left on the coffee table


And her little buddy, Elmo! :) notice the m&m remnants on her face :)


Lounging with Molly on her new bed


And the new baby cousin, due April 08


Here is Leila with her gift from Santa Claus, a new baby stroller for her Cabbage Patch Newborn she really does like it though you can't tell from that face!


Great Uncle Don has a cat and Leila followed him all over the place!


Here is my beautiful girl just hanging out


And sporting her new bath towel from Aunt Sheila


Now on to the ramblings....

So lately I have been on a "me" kick. I got a couple of books for Christmas that I really wanted, both of them are all about mom's and how to be a happy and well rounded person. I am finding that so much of motherhood consists of guilt. I feel guilty for spending time away from Leila, I feel guilty for not making the most of the time I have with her, I feel guilty for working, I feel guilty for missing work, and so on and so forth...you get the picture.
Anyway, I have decided that I need to do better at taking care of myself, letting go of the guilt and making the most of my life. Nobody is perfect, but I am trying.

My first order of action has been to start an exercise routine, so I am doing a program called the "couch to 5K." You can read about the program here: coolrunnings.com but basically, in the course of 2 months it can take you from no activity at all to being able to complete a 5K run. I am only a week into the program, but I don't think I can let myself fail at this, it just may take me a little extra time. I am enjoying my time at the rec center too, it is nice to get out of the house and have a little time to myself, especially with the crappy winter weather we have had. So there is your update on me.

Now for the Leila update....well, we had a wonderful 10 day break from work/daycare and we all really enjoyed our time together, but since we have started back to our routine things have been really rough for Leila. Two weeks ago we could ask Leila if she was ready for bed and she would say "yes!" grab her blankie and wait for us by her crib...in the past week or so, things have done a complete 180, she now cries and cries when we try to put her to bed, it is really miserable but we are just trying to push through and comfort her as much as possible without completely giving in. I am really hoping that this passes soon. Aside from bedtime we also have the daycare drop off issue...she screams and cries and pulls at our legs and begs us not to leave her. It is TORTURE! Now, I have felt a lot of guilt about daycare over the last year and a half, but I have kind of put it to rest at this point. Leila gets a lot out of school, she learns new things all the time, she gets great interaction from the other kids and I really feel like this is good for her. That fact makes this so much easier to deal with, that and the fact that she is always having a good time when I come to pick her up in the afternoon. I just hate to think that my little baby is having so much anxiety, I hate hate hate to think that even at this young age, she worries. Parenting is a hard job and I just hope I am doing a good job for Leila, I love her so much.

Well, I will put in a little Cory update too...he is sick as a dog. I finally talked him into going to the doctor yesterday and pretty much every part of his head is infected. This has been a really rough week for the Coobs family, the weekend can't come fast enough!

On another note, the company that I work for announced to us yesterday that they are now going to deduct vacation time for leaves of absences, so now, if you go on Maternity leave you not only have to use your vacation time to make up for the lost pay, but you also won't be earning any vacation while you are out. So, maybe that isn't so terrible by the standards of others, but for me, it is just one more way to make life more difficult for working moms. You know, in Canada and most European countries, working moms get 6 months to a year of paid maternity leave? The United States doesn't have a lot of company in the group of industrialized nations that don't offer paid leave for their citizens, and yet the government wants you to think that they value families and that all women should breastfeed. I do have to give my company props, I was able to nurse Leila for a whole year because I had the luxury of a lactation room and the ability to pump whenever I needed to, but that is not the norm, and it is not the law. This is a big pet peeve of mine, which is why I have joined the group momsrising.org. The organization is based on mother's rights in the workplace, and family issues. Check it out if you are interested in learning more about the trials of women and the pathetic way that this country values family. Off of my soapbox for now.

Love to you all! Tricia

Joy

Lately I am finding myself being frequently reminded about a church service we went to a couple of months ago. We don't go all that often these days, basically because we either spend the whole time trying to control Leila or we spend the hour in the nursery because she doesn't want us to leave her there, but a couple of months ago Cory and I decided to give it a try. We kept Leila with us, as we always try to do for the beginning of the service, and the congregation stood for the opening hymn. Those of you that know Leila know that she loves music, and church music is no exception! The song ended and everyone sat down in their pews as the church grew silent. I guess Leila really wanted to make sure that her opinion was heard because just as the silence set in she started clapping and yelled, "yay!!!" We had a lot of people turn around and give her a smile as laughter filled the silence. Thinking about this moment just warms my heart. Not because Leila is enjoying church, I am not so naive to assume that she "gets it," but because this moment defines for me the most precious gift of motherhood: being able to see your child express pure, uninhibited joy.

I am feeling completely overwhelmed with my life. Between work, keeping my house in order, trying to cook healthy meals for my family, keeping a financial hold on things and still find time for myself to get a good nights sleep and enjoy a little me time, I sometimes forgot to watch for those moments. My new years resolutions for 2008 is to work on finding a better balance for me and my family, to work on setting reasonable expectations for myself, and to try my hardest to recognize those moments of joy.

I remember a lot about my childhood. Cory can attest to the fact that I have a pretty impressive memory. Most of the time I find that to be a wonderful gift. I remember the house I grew up in and the worn path I walked on to get from the school bus to our back door. I remember the walk though the ditch with my sister and our dog when we made a summer trip to Grandma's house to work on a 4-H project. I remember the feeling of gratitude, acceptance and joy when my best friend from Tabor threw me a surprise birthday party the first year I had moved to a different school and had been feeling so alone. That is the good stuff; but I also remember feeling homesick and grieving the loss of my familiar life like I had never grieved before and the kids at school that made me feel inadequate and bad about myself; I remember that stuff too.

As a parent, I worry about Leila dealing with those things. I worry about her feeling awkward and hurt by potential teasing. I worry about her questioning who she is and if she is doing the right thing. When those times come, I am going to remember that day in church when she cried out in joy with no regard for what anyone thought of her.

If only we could all retain that precious gift of childhood. When the stress of my life starts to get to me and I find myself looking at those around me I just need to remind myself of that moment and take a lesson from my wise daughter.


Sorry this isn't about Christmas; a holiday that I hate until it is happening, and then I just love so much that my cup runs over with joy. It came and went in a blur, we had several family gatherings and I loved every one of them. There is nothing in this world that means more to me than family and I had a long Holiday weekend filled with just that, so nothing could be better. I will share some pictures of the events when I have some more time. Leila had a great time and I hope you all did too.

Merry Christmas!

Icicles

Today I was driving to the mall on my lunch break to pick up some Christmas gifts for Leila's teachers. There are trees all along the roadway on the Oakdale Campus that are in that stage of life where they aren't baby trees, but they aren't huge full grown trees either. You can tell that they were hardy enough not to have their trunk bowed by the storm, and not old enough to be brought down by the weight of the ice, but they are most definitely not unscathed by the ice storm. They are covered in ice and each limb appears like a large fat arm that the poor tree just can't seem to lift above it's "waist," they just look wore out, but not ready to give in.
Today the sun is coming out, and hopefully the trees won't be such a depressing sight to see tomorrow. Some of the trees just look beautifully preserved in a shiny coat of ice. I will post a few of those pictures that I have stolen from various places online.
I was hoping to find a picture online that looked like these trees so I could show you, but none of them really look like the trees I am thinking of that line the street outside of my work.
Anyway, I feel like one of those trees. I am getting by, but I feel like I am carrying about 50 extra pounds, both literally and figuratively.

Here is a picture from the local paper of a farm in our area:


And here is our deck on Tuesday:


Some pretty ice pictures I found...




Cory has been out of town all week. It's a struggle, every time he is gone I spend a lot of time questioning my parenting abilities. I don't cope well with single parenthood, and work travel takes a huge toll on me. I am sure that it is because Cory is such a wonderful, involved father that when I go from 50% needed to 100% needed, I just can't handle it. So don't expect any siblings for Leila ANYTIME soon!

Now-Enough of my miserable weather analogies and on to the good stuff, the reason we all visit this blog! :)

Miss Leila...what can I say, she is a genius. I hate to brag (well, that isn't really true), but I will anyway. We decided to buy her a potty chair. Yes, we know she is only 19 months old, but she is always telling us when she is going to poop, so we decided, why the hell not! That potty chair had been in our bathroom less than 24 hours when she made her first deposit. On Tuesday when we were home bound together I only changed one diaper. ...the rest was potty chair city baby! Progress has since slowed, but I am not pushing it, I still had to brag on my girl a little bit.

She is as joyful as always and here are some pics to prove it:

Here she is drawing on Grandma day, and no, she didn't make that snow man! :)


putting her hair spray away after momma put in her "pretties"


And here she is on Tuesday, this is the face she gives me when I say, "Leila please smile so mommy can take your picture!"


Much love! Tricia

Update

It has been an eventful couple of weeks for us. Shortly after Leila's 18 month appointment she had her first bout of stomach flu. That is definitely the worst we have had to deal with with her. It was so sad, she wanted to eat, but it would make her sick so had to tell her no when she asked for food, that was awful. Luckily it didn't last very long and she was back to her old self in about a day.
She got her picture taken at school, but we haven't gotten them back yet to scan and share here. My mom took her to get her picture taken since picture day was a Friday and Leila spends Friday's at home with my mom. My mom got to meet Leila's teachers and the other kids and she got see Leila singing songs and doing the actions with her class. I think they both had a good time.
Thanksgiving came and went. I was really not looking forward to my first Thanksgiving without Grandma. She was definitely missed, but my family all worked together to make it the best we could and I am sure Grandma was watching over our efforts. We put up Grandpa's Christmas Tree for him and put out some of the Holiday decorations. My Grandma was very into Christmas and she had tons of decorations. We just couldn't bear to think of her house not decked out as she would have it for Christmas. I am sure that when Christmas gets here it will be very hard for us again, but if there is one thing that I have learned in the past few months it is that our family will always be there, even without Grandma, we have each other and that helps bring comfort.
Well, Here are some pictures from our recent trips to Tabor.

Leila found a basket at Grandpa's house that fits her just perfect, she loves to carry it around and sit in it every once in a while :)


She had lots of fun playing at the Tabor park




Leila loves her toothbrush. Every morning she meets Daddy in the bathroom before we all take off for the day and they brush their teeth together.


Here are my two loves :)

18 months!

Leila had her 18 month appointment last week. All is well and she is 27 lbs 32 1/4 inches. A little piece of perfection :)
She is talking up a storm and still learning lots of baby signs. She recently picked up the sign for "hurt."
I have been really busy. I recently started a new job. So far it is going really well and I am very excited for the change and the new challenges. I will try to update with some more pictures from our weekend in Tabor soon. Leila enjoys playing at Grandpa's house and she had a great time at the park, I have pictures to prove it, but I am just teasing you for now. I will try to post again soon!

Another week has gone by, and a weekend is over. Things are going ok. Leila is getting smarter everyday. This week she has learned to identify the letters A and B. We are going to keep teaching her new letters, it is so cool to see her picking things up.
Tonight she picked up a new book that had pictures of a bunch of animals in it. Most of them are animals that she has seen before and knows, but this book has a donkey in it. She learned that a donkey says Hee Haw, and all evening she has been walking around saying "Hee Haw! Hee Haw!"
On Grandma day this Friday my mom put Leila's hair in pig tails...it was pretty adorable so of course we took some pictures.

Here she is standing next to her cupboard. :)


She loves the toys that Grandpa Carey makes for her, she couldn't decide which one to pull along behind her so she took both.


Leila loves Yogurt, she calls it Yo Yo and she even made up her own sign for it!


And here is my baby girl being very cuddly (uncommon for her) with her mommy. She has started calling Cory and I Mommy and Daddy instead of Momma and Dada. I like the upgrade :)

Small update

I feel like I should be taking the time to write a big update of all of the cool things that Leila is doing these days, but I don't have a lot of time. She is starting to call more people by their names and forming small sentences. She is great at putting her signs together as well as her words. We are of course too proud for words. Ok, until I have some more time, here are a few pictures from the last couple of weeks.

Here she is driving her little car around...please excuse my messy house.


Playing with Grandma Coobs. She had this toy that would throw off little frisbee like things.



Waiting for the toy to "fly"


And a couple of Leila enjoying the flowers in Elkader





Thanks for looking!

Separation Anxiety

When we had to switch daycare providers a couple of months ago Cory and I made a deal. I would work a slightly earlier shift and pick Leila up from daycare in the afternoon, and Cory would work slightly later and drop her off. Every morning I leave Leila at home happy with her daddy and when I go to pick her up she spots me across the room and drops everything to run to me yelling, "Momma, Momma!" As you can see, this is a good arrangement...for me.
Today was a bad day for Daddy. He came to work and found this article about separation anxiety. It described how when babies get to be 6-9 months old, they start to realize that they are separate from you, and that scares them, but they get past it when they realize all the cool stuff they can do on their own. Then when 18 months rolls around and they are now more mobile, they start to get scared of what might happen to them. Leila is at this place. She is constantly torn between running off and trying new things and sticking close to mom and dad who protect her.
The example in the article was about a child waiting for an elevator with his Dad. The elevator comes, the Dad gets in expecting the child to follow, but the door shuts. The author is left standing next to the child. He describes the child's reaction as being like his father was swallowed up, never to return.
Cory sent me the article and I had to respond to him with, "I think Leila and I are going through the same phase."
I am currently terrified that everytime someone I care about leaves my sight, that I will never see them again. It is a sad state when you have to admit that you are in the same developmental phase as your 1 year old, but that is where I am. So, please, take care of yourselves.
Alright, so it seems that lately I have turned mommytolbc.blogspot.com into listentotriciapout.blogspot.com. I hope that years down the road when Leila is reading my thoughts about her childhood, she doesn't think I forgot to love and adore her during my rough spots.
The past few weeks Leila has brought a lot of joy to the Howard family. Here are a few recent pictures of our princess.

Here she is trying on her halloween costume. She loves the costume and she oinks at it, but if you suggest she put it on, she says, "no, no, no!"



Here she is reading a book with Daddy. She is showing Cory where her eye is.



And here she is this morning before school, so cute in her new jogging suit!

A Tree Grows in Tabor

This past weekend my family got together again. I think that we all had this feeling that we just needed to do something, so we did.

My cousin Nick masterminded this project in the Tabor City Park to honor Grandma Dalene. It turned out beautifully, and it gave us an outlet for our grief. We are all still healing, slowly, and trying to be there for one another and for Grandpa. Our family will never be the same, but we can sure put our need to act to good use.

A favorite quote of mine is, "Storms make Trees take deeper roots." This storm has led us closer together in a lot of ways, and here is the culmination of our collective efforts. I hope that it brings a lot of enjoyment to those that use the park in Tabor and gives the Herd of Turtles a place to rest on their walks. :)










Nick had the idea to inlay a letter "H" for our family name across the circle from the memorial stone and Brian and I were laying out the bricks.






Here is the mastermind at work cutting bricks





The finished product






And some pictures from the tree planting














After we were finished up at the park we went back to Grandpa's house and Grandpa took Leila out to see the baby cows. I love this picture of Grandpa with Leila, I think the landscape is so beautiful.




And here are a couple more