Three weeks ago was the last time we nursed...she is finally weaned! And she is beautiful!

neurosis overload

The old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" is plaguing me. In typical fashion I have gotten myself really worked up, tried to get my mind in order and am now finally at the breaking point where I spew out all of my anxieties while attempting to infuse my post with humor so maybe it won't sound so pathetic to my two or three readers that bother to muddle through the stream of conscientiousness and run on sentences. The countdown is on. Three weeks until we can move into our new house. One week until I am a full time employee again, and our girls are full time daycare kids. Three weeks since I found myself in a constant state of stress that makes my stomach ache, my heart race, and my whole being a little bit terrified to leave this crappy apartment. I am "need a nap" tired about 90% of the time, and the only reasonable excuse I can come up with is that it takes a lot of energy to worry 24 hours a day. Yes, I know this isn't normal.

You would think I was prepping for a moon launch, or the dread equivalent of that little boy in that Disney commercial, "I'm too excited to sleep!"

"I'm too nervous to function!"

More house updates!!

I have been really bad about taking pictures lately, I just never think to grab the camera, and most of the time I know that if I did take a picture, it would have piles of toys, dirty dishes and laundry in the background so I wouldn't share it anyway.

So, for now, all I have to offer is updated house pictures. Things are moving along and we got to spend last weekend painting. Cory and I painted three of the four bedrooms upstairs so that we could take advantage of the lack of trim to tape around and carpet to ruin.

When we stopped by there the last couple of days we have seen the trim starting to go up, and the tile floors starting to go down in the bathrooms and laundry room.

This is the master bedroom



Thea's room


Leila's room



And the front...which already looks different. The rail is now complete and the garage is being prepped for the stone. I am thinking stone will be applied this weekend or early next week? We have a schedule but it doesn't seem too accurate since it says the stone was to be done on the 8th.

Magazine recommendation

While sitting in the hospital with Cory I had a change to actually READ for pleasure! The hospital book store didn't have a huge selection, but this one was a gem. It wasn't too heavily focused on health or fitness, but was more about healthy living in general, for real people. I enjoyed it a lot and I can see myself picking up more issues in the future!

The calm before the storm...

Before our weekend ended with a 48 hour hospital stay, we spent an afternoon at the apple orchard. We were actually at the orchard, waiting in line to pay for our treats when Cory told me that his heart had gone into the erratic rhythm. It wasn't a new experience for us, so we sat down and ate our apple treats before heading home to see if it would take care of itself. I told Cory he could have an hour to lay down, relax and see what happens, if things were still not right we would be going to the ER. He didn't argue with me and after his rest at home, we called in the troops (Our wonderful families that helped us out with our girls).

Anyway, back to the calm, which wasn't actually all that calm. The orchard was busy and there were lines for everything, but we still had a great time. We picked apples, took a little ride on a tractor trailer and enjoyed warm turnovers. I had been having a rough weekend, and I am so glad that we did this fun family activity before everything went down with Cory's heart. As hectic as it was to deal with keeping the kids under control and the fighting the crowds, it was just the boost I needed to get through.

little readers

What is it about babies and the love of really repetitive boring books? I enjoy reading to the girls, and Thea is LOVING books lately. She is constantly bringing me books to read to her, and I think it's great! She is learning lots of animals and can make lots of animal sounds. My favorite is when she sees a duck, she sticks her hands in her arm pits and flaps her wings when she quacks...SO CUTE!

Anyway, there are times when it is difficult to stop everything and sit down to read a book, but I have learned that there are benefits to the lame books that Thea loves most...her sister can "read" them to her! How sweet is this?!

Free Falling

Last night I was driving home from the hospital when it was nearly 11:00 at night. In the car, alone is not an experience I often get, but as I made my way through the country on the curvy road I appreciated being alone with my thoughts. I couldn't help but think about how fragile life is. Cory was left behind at the hospital, spending the night as a precaution on the cardiology floor. I drove down the street, watching the moonlight reflect on the wet pavement and feeling the cool, wet fall breeze through my open window. A beautiful quiet night. I thought about my friend Cindy, who had just left the hospital with a brand new baby girl, and of my brother Clay and Rebekah, who had lost Rebekah's sister unexpectedly last week. Just like that, life will never be the same. Every moment that goes by, someone is losing their sister. Someone is gaining a daughter, someone's heart stops beating, and another is miraculously restored.
I pulled into North Liberty across town from my final destination and I turned up the radio to distract myself from my own thoughts. The first thing I hear, "I wanna free fall out into nothing /Oh I'm gonna leave this world for a while /

And I'm free
Free falling
Falling

I turned up the volume and I sang it at the top of my lungs through the tears forming in my eyes. I found my mantra for the day. You can either worry the whole way down about what the landing might feel like, or you can close your eyes, take a deep breath and enjoy the wind in your face.

Motherhood

I saw this posted on Facebook and I thought it was a neat idea. Some of these really resonated with me, and I have a few of my own I would add...



Picture me holding up a sign with this written on it:

"Its no longer about you. At all."
"Enjoy control of the TV and car radio, that won't last."
"Prepare for a world where every day is full of terrible possibilities."

I could think of several other more encouraging things to say to childless me, but I figured I might as well prep for the worst, the good stuff can be a pleasant surprise.

House

I feel like it is two steps forward and three steps back with the house. We are very happy so far, but the progress has been slow, and the latest set back was this weekend with the insulation. We upgraded the insulation in the house from the typical bats of fiberglass to a blown in insulation that adds additional R-value. When we checked the house out on Friday, we saw that the insulation upgrade wasn't completed. So after all of the drywall was up on Sunday night, most if it had to come down on Monday to switch out the insulation. We are on track to have the house done by October 11th, and we will be working in some time to paint bedrooms next weekend. Though the painters will paint any color you want, it costs extra and we are cheap, so we are doing our "custom" colors on our own!

Pink for Thea, purple for Leila, and blue/gree for Cory and I.

Here are some pictures of the latest progress...our GREEN siding is almost done! :)

Today

Today is Leila's first "extra" day of preschool. Normally (Until October anyway) the girls both spend Tuesday and Thursday at Love-A-Lot, Mondays with Grandma Lori and Wednesday and Friday with me. Now that Leila is in the State preschool program, she needs to be at school an extra half day a week and so Wednesday mornings in September are just for Thea and I. So far this morning I have already given in on my attempt to wean and we have spent a couple of hours cuddling in the recliner and reading books. Heaven on earth, nothing beats a nice long cuddle with a sweet baby. What I need is a memory machine to store this away so when I am spending my Wednesday mornings sitting at my desk at work, I can remember the way she smelled, and her squishy soft skin and that beautiful dimpled smile. *sigh*