That fleeting moment when you are trying to sleep through your stuffy nose and head cold, when you flip over and you can breath through BOTH nostrils at once before gravity takes over and the flood of snot shifts from one side to the other.
Another blogger that I read asked her audience to fill her in on what changed for them and their life in 2010. I have been thinking about this for a few days, trying to decide what had changed, not in my surroundings, because that is pretty obvious, but in my heart.
It is much harder to know the changes that can't be seen, and it takes some reflection to come up with an honest answer. I have spent a lot of 2010 floundering. I have felt a lot of internal conflict about my life, my work, my priorities and my purpose. I don't feel that I have gotten very far in coming to conclusions in those areas, and it has been frustrating for me, but a rewarding journey as I spend time trying to know myself better.
During the past year I have worked hard to live my values, and to find meaning in my life in the places and the times that I can control. Instead of arguing and stewing about political issues that bug me, I have volunteered in my community and given to the under served whenever possible. I have learned that living ones values is of much more importance than how one votes.
If I had to sum up my year, I certainly couldn't tie a nice satin bow on it and call it a completed chapter. It has been a year of growth, but not of maturity. For 2011 I have a lot of hopes. For my family, I hope for good health and time spent together and not taken for granted. For myself, I hope for better physical condition, improved professional clarity, fulfilling public service and I hope to become a better photographer and blogger. Happy New Year!
I realize that I still have a week and a half of memories to make during 2010, but I am feeling nostalgic so I wanted to hit on a few of my favorite moments from the past year.
2010 Started off with Cory and I and our lovely family hustling through the laundry list of house projects to complete before listing our house. We put the house up for sale by owner at the tail end of January and we moved out of the house in the middle of April
House for sale
During February my mom, sisters and I had a fun night out at the Roseanne Cash concert. I still think about that evening and what a blast it was!
Roseanne
I am embarrassed to realize that never blogged about the arrival of sweet Veda...likely because Thea was sick that weekend and we were distracted from the welcoming party, but definitely a top item from 2010 is Miss Veda Smith!
In May we had a fun outing with some of her closest friends. We took the kids bowling, and practically had the bowling alley to ourselves while we enjoyed each others company. Again, a total blast!
Bowling
We spent a sometimes challenging, but worth the adventure, summer in a rental condo while our house was being built. I had a great time enjoying my children and making the most of our last Mommy days before I returned to full time work.
Summer 2010
We had a wonderful family vacation filled with boating, bonding and relaxation.
Vacation
We went through another health scare with Cory's heart. Always a hard battle to fight, and one that leaves me counting my blessings and appreciating my life with my loving husband.
Cory's Episode
We finally saw the fruits of our labor, the long awaited new house finally became home! And I can't believe I haven't posted any final/moved in pictures...hmmm
House
Along with the gift of a new home, we also got a new little Howard! Mabel joined the party in October.
Mabel
This year has been a blur, but when I slow down the speed and take a look the memories, I have a lot of smile inducing pictures in my head, and on this blog.
One of my favorite verses. I read this earlier this week and I literally felt the tension leave my shoulders as I processed the words.
John 14:1-4
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God[; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.
This guy is the star of the show at the Coobs house. Nothing like dinner time entertainment watching Daddy try to catch chicken nuggets in his mouth!
For about a week leading up to Leila's program she made sure to remind Cory and I every day that she was going to sing very loud so that Santa would come at the end. I thought this was pretty funny considering this is the 3rd year of her Christmas performance, and Santa is always there but she has never cared. This year is a different ball game. Even though we have already visited with Santa at the mall and delivered the special toy requests I think she wanted to get some more face time with the big guy.
It was so sweet to see Leila up there doing her thing, she danced and sang like she does at home, with no regard for the crowd. Of course she had to stand near her buddy Clara!
Thea had to get in on the action and play with the big kids before the show started!
It seems like every day you amaze me in a new way. I remember when you were a tiny baby in my arms and watching your little brown eyes exploring the world around you would set my mind wondering what you could possibly be thinking about. Now I have the joy of your voice to fill me in on just what is going on in that little head of yours.
When it is my turn to tuck you in at night I like to lay down in your bed next to you and curl up under the covers. You like to ask me what the best part of my day was. Most of the time my answer has something to do with you and your sister. The worst part of my day is generally something related to my work. But you, my sweet girl always have a hard time deciding what the best part of your day was. Sometimes it is time spent at school with your friends, and sometimes it is the memory of a family activity. I love how no matter how rough of an evening we may have had, or how hard you fought us about trying your dinner, your answer to the question about the worst part of your day is nearly always, "My day didn't have a worst part, it was all good."
When I think about my life, and how things have changed over the last five years, the world is a totally different place to me, because you are in it. There is no worst part when I get to be your mama.
Love you baby girl.
This morning I was enjoying my family, and preparing lunch for my even bigger family with the Dixie Chicks as my soundtrack.
This is one of my favorite songs, from probably my favorite album ever, and it puts the happy in my melancholy mood. As hard as I find it to live in a world where so many people live with unmet needs and pain and heartache, I have some hope.
'Cause our children are watching us
They put their trust in us
They're gonna be like us
So let's learn from our history
And do it differently
I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, we'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly
And we can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope
There is something quite humbling about having your love handles pinched by a body fat measuring device, manned by a perfectly toned personal trainer. But, much like how I never imagined that I would allow myself to lay in a hospital bed with a spot light and a crowd all gathered around my lady parts, desperate times call for desperate measures. And at nearly 2 years removed from Thea's grand entrance under the spotlight, my belly growth has taken off again and this time I have no excuse, so desperate measures it is once again.
I bought the gym membership in a fundraiser, the fat pinch and weigh in were a free bonus. I have a long ways to go, but talking about it creates accountability, right?
I should have waited until later...I will take some with the tripod one of these days...
I mentioned to Cory this morning that if not for the icky colds that our girls have developed, today would have been a good day to make a rare appearance in church. He encouraged me to go by myself and enjoy the service without having to worry about keeping the kids under control, and so after a short hesitation when I contemplated staying in my pajamas all day, I headed up to the shower and got myself out the door just in time.
As I sat in church listening to the soothing prelude being played I contemplated my weekend, my year, my life. As O come, O come, Emmanuel sung out from the piano, faces scrolled through my mind. The dear friend that I know is hurting and hoping to feel the presence of God her life. My Mother in Law Sandi, who is fighting disease and uncertainty. The families that I see in the food pantry, hoping for a windfall to get them through. The beautiful little family that was making their first trip to church as a complete family after their baby girl came home from the hospital, a two time open heart surgery survivor. God is good.
I am not a fan of the Holiday season. It always seems like an excuse to spend too much money, eat too much food and book too many activities. Whenever I go to church it seems that I find myself leaving there having been personally spoken to. With our pastor out of town for the holiday weekend, I expected this to be an exception, but instead I enjoyed the beginning of the advent season with the hanging of the greens and the framing up of the Christmas season. As it turned out, I did leave the church having been spoken too. I pray that I continue to feel the love and presence of Christ throughout the season of Advent as I did today.
This weekend was topped off by the hanging of our own personal "greens" this afternoon. Our beautiful new house looks even more beautiful with the colorful lights of Christmas wrapped around our porch and the pretty new Christmas tree, that so fittingly reflects the season on our little girls faces while they play in our living room.
Merry Christmas. Peace be with you.
So Cory and I took a quick trip to Arizona for work. It was outside of my comfort zone, so I had a stomach ache for most of the trip, but I still really enjoyed seeing something different. I made a few observations about Scottsdale. First of all, it is an awesome place to shop. Secondly, everyone there has lots of money. We saw tons of high end cars that we rarely see, especially in such high numbers, here. Bentleys, Porsches and Ferraris were everywhere. Thirdly, Everyone in Scottsdale has a tan, and for two whole days, I got to be the fattest person in eye shot. It was kind of unnerving, but Cory was able to point out to me that we saw a person in the mall that was fatter than me. That was comforting.
The terrain in Arizona was definitely worth the trip, but I am glad to be back in the land of the corn-fed, where I am not the fattest one in the crowd.
I took Leila to a birthday party a couple of weeks ago. It was her first birthday party that wasn't for a family member and I woke up that morning with a rush of anxiety at the thought of taking her. Lots of parents of the kids that Leila goes to school with would be there, and the last thing I wanted to do was alienate the parents of Leila's friends because I am socially awkward. We arrived at the Children's Museum and Leila plopped herself right down with the birthday boy and started in on the art project they were doing together. Being the first of these such events for me, I wasn't sure what the protocol was, but I fully expected to stand off in a corner and watch the festivities, ensuring that my child didn't misbehave. As the other parents began to arrive and leave I realized that I was probably expected to leave as well. I wasn't sure about that, but Leila didn't care either way. I stayed around to snap a few pictures and see if the birthday mom needed any help while I watched more children arrive. There were a few kids that clung to their mothers as if they were being dropped at the doctor’s office instead of a birthday party at one of the coolest kid spots in town. There were lots of tears and anxiety. It made me uncomfortable, because I could see myself in these children. I coaxed Leila to offer seats to the criers, and she did it, just as I asked, and I was proud of her. I have a feeling that as different as Leila is from me, and as happy as she was in the unfamiliar setting of the birthday party, Thea is going to be a clinger like her mama. Sigh.
I left the party and started walking through the mall...by myself. A truly unique experience for me. I strolled around in stores and checked out a new little gift shop where jewelry and gifts sporting famous quotations were sold. That kind of thing is always a hit with an English major like me. I picked up a magnet that proclaimed:
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
Huh. I am still thinking about this one, two weeks later. Is that really true? Because life within my comfort zone is very nice. Life outside of my comfort zone gives me a stomach ache.
Tell that to the screaming and crying four year olds back at the birthday party and maybe they would agree, after all, they did get cake.
I really need this shirt. Don't you?
This site has lots of great stuff that I am eyeing! www.raygunsite.com
I try not to talk politics too much on here, or in real life for that matter. I hate being disappointed by humanity, and politics inevitable disappoint. I don't like either party very much, and I don't particularly care about the election results, with one exception. I am really disheartened by the vote in Iowa to not retain the 3 judges on the ballot, who along with the other 4 supreme court judges, ruled that gay marriage is not illegal. There are a lot of implications to this action that make me uncomfortable, but above all it makes me really sad that so many people want to take out their anger on these individuals, for doing their jobs and making rulings based on the constitution. And that aside, I am really sad that there are so many people who want to stand in the way of marriage equality. I can't think of a single reason why someone would care to keep someone else from having the rights they enjoy. I know that there are people that I really respect that hold this opinion, but this is an opinion that I can not respect. God is love, and the hate puts me in a bad mood. I feel like we are involved in an ongoing sporting event and both teams will do anything to win. bleck.
This afternoon I turned on my Van Morrison Pandora station on my phone and reminded myself that there is so much more to life than politics.
I couldn't help myself from coaxing Leila into a cutesy coordinating outfit with her little sister. Luckily, she was pretty excited about the idea of being Little Bo Peep...likely because she had just gone to see the Toy Story movie with Aunt Cassie so it was fresh in her mind.
Thea loved her costume. Mom and Dad brought it over last Wednesday night, and she refused to take the booties off at bedtime, she slept in them. Again tonight she picked the costume up off of the stairs and carried it over to Cory with her sweet little baby begging face on.
Leila started out the night with no interest in going up to a strangers door and asking for candy. My Dad and I followed behind while Cory and Andrea led the kids up to the first driveway. I assured Leila that she had met the people who lived in this house, and there was no reason to be scared. I guess the allure of candy, and the reassurance that she would not be confronted with a total stranger was enough to give her the boost she needed to head up to the front door. She returned to the sidewalk with renewed confidence, and we were off!
As I walked down the street with Leila she was chanting happily, "I'm not scared! This doesn't scare me! I'm not scared! This doesn't scare me!"
I thought to myself of all of the mornings of late when I have woken up to an anxious feeling in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I repeat to myself, "I'm not sick, today will be a good day. There is nothing to be worried about."
I have to appreciate that at the ripe old age of four years old, my little Leila has already discovered the art of self-talk. My first line of defense against the butterflies that have taken up permanent residency in my stomach...or maybe its in my mind, either way, I just have to hope that Leila's defense doesn't have to spend as much time on the field as mine does these days.
I was in a leadership training session all day today (yawn) and the icebreaker question that the instructor asked was, "If you weren't working here, what would your ideal job be?"
This is always such a depressing thing for me to think about, because honestly, I don't think I am skilled at anything that I would *really* want to do as my ideal job.
Today I answered that I would be a professional blogger. Now I can't think of anything professional blogger worthy to say. Sorry.
I am a lucky aunt for sure. I have been for about 2 and a half years now, and I just got a little luckier. I now have another beautiful niece, one who reminds me an awful lot of my little Leila when she was a baby.
I have to say that it is a little bitter sweet to know that that sweet little angel is hours away, but just looking at the pictures hurts because she is so stinking cute. I am amazed to think of my baby brother as a DADDY, but with the examples he has had in his life, I am sure he will be great. As close as the Howard family is, it feels so strange to have pieces of us far away, and going through such huge life milestones without us to support them. I hope and pray that Clay, Rebekah and Mabel know, the words of a cheesy novelty T-shirt I once saw in a drugstore in Tabor, "Someone in Iowa Loves You."
To mark the milestone of my 30th birthday I have started another blog. Don't worry, I am not walking away from Welcome to Motherhood! ;) I am adding a 365 blog. If it isn't something you are familiar with, basically, you post one picture from everyday of the year. As a full time working mom, I can't say that I will actually make that goal, but I am going to try. I won't be updating everyday, as that is basically impossible for me, but I expect to update at least once a week with a picture for each day. If you are interested, here is the link: http://mythirtyfirst.blogspot.com/
The old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" is plaguing me. In typical fashion I have gotten myself really worked up, tried to get my mind in order and am now finally at the breaking point where I spew out all of my anxieties while attempting to infuse my post with humor so maybe it won't sound so pathetic to my two or three readers that bother to muddle through the stream of conscientiousness and run on sentences. The countdown is on. Three weeks until we can move into our new house. One week until I am a full time employee again, and our girls are full time daycare kids. Three weeks since I found myself in a constant state of stress that makes my stomach ache, my heart race, and my whole being a little bit terrified to leave this crappy apartment. I am "need a nap" tired about 90% of the time, and the only reasonable excuse I can come up with is that it takes a lot of energy to worry 24 hours a day. Yes, I know this isn't normal.
You would think I was prepping for a moon launch, or the dread equivalent of that little boy in that Disney commercial, "I'm too excited to sleep!"
"I'm too nervous to function!"
I have been really bad about taking pictures lately, I just never think to grab the camera, and most of the time I know that if I did take a picture, it would have piles of toys, dirty dishes and laundry in the background so I wouldn't share it anyway.
So, for now, all I have to offer is updated house pictures. Things are moving along and we got to spend last weekend painting. Cory and I painted three of the four bedrooms upstairs so that we could take advantage of the lack of trim to tape around and carpet to ruin.
When we stopped by there the last couple of days we have seen the trim starting to go up, and the tile floors starting to go down in the bathrooms and laundry room.
This is the master bedroom
Thea's room 
Leila's room
And the front...which already looks different. The rail is now complete and the garage is being prepped for the stone. I am thinking stone will be applied this weekend or early next week? We have a schedule but it doesn't seem too accurate since it says the stone was to be done on the 8th.
While sitting in the hospital with Cory I had a change to actually READ for pleasure! The hospital book store didn't have a huge selection, but this one was a gem. It wasn't too heavily focused on health or fitness, but was more about healthy living in general, for real people. I enjoyed it a lot and I can see myself picking up more issues in the future!
Before our weekend ended with a 48 hour hospital stay, we spent an afternoon at the apple orchard. We were actually at the orchard, waiting in line to pay for our treats when Cory told me that his heart had gone into the erratic rhythm. It wasn't a new experience for us, so we sat down and ate our apple treats before heading home to see if it would take care of itself. I told Cory he could have an hour to lay down, relax and see what happens, if things were still not right we would be going to the ER. He didn't argue with me and after his rest at home, we called in the troops (Our wonderful families that helped us out with our girls).
Anyway, back to the calm, which wasn't actually all that calm. The orchard was busy and there were lines for everything, but we still had a great time. We picked apples, took a little ride on a tractor trailer and enjoyed warm turnovers. I had been having a rough weekend, and I am so glad that we did this fun family activity before everything went down with Cory's heart. As hectic as it was to deal with keeping the kids under control and the fighting the crowds, it was just the boost I needed to get through.
What is it about babies and the love of really repetitive boring books? I enjoy reading to the girls, and Thea is LOVING books lately. She is constantly bringing me books to read to her, and I think it's great! She is learning lots of animals and can make lots of animal sounds. My favorite is when she sees a duck, she sticks her hands in her arm pits and flaps her wings when she quacks...SO CUTE!
Anyway, there are times when it is difficult to stop everything and sit down to read a book, but I have learned that there are benefits to the lame books that Thea loves most...her sister can "read" them to her! How sweet is this?!
Last night I was driving home from the hospital when it was nearly 11:00 at night. In the car, alone is not an experience I often get, but as I made my way through the country on the curvy road I appreciated being alone with my thoughts. I couldn't help but think about how fragile life is. Cory was left behind at the hospital, spending the night as a precaution on the cardiology floor. I drove down the street, watching the moonlight reflect on the wet pavement and feeling the cool, wet fall breeze through my open window. A beautiful quiet night. I thought about my friend Cindy, who had just left the hospital with a brand new baby girl, and of my brother Clay and Rebekah, who had lost Rebekah's sister unexpectedly last week. Just like that, life will never be the same. Every moment that goes by, someone is losing their sister. Someone is gaining a daughter, someone's heart stops beating, and another is miraculously restored.
I pulled into North Liberty across town from my final destination and I turned up the radio to distract myself from my own thoughts. The first thing I hear, "I wanna free fall out into nothing /Oh I'm gonna leave this world for a while /
And I'm free
Free falling
Falling
I turned up the volume and I sang it at the top of my lungs through the tears forming in my eyes. I found my mantra for the day. You can either worry the whole way down about what the landing might feel like, or you can close your eyes, take a deep breath and enjoy the wind in your face.
I saw this posted on Facebook and I thought it was a neat idea. Some of these really resonated with me, and I have a few of my own I would add...
Picture me holding up a sign with this written on it:
"Its no longer about you. At all."
"Enjoy control of the TV and car radio, that won't last."
"Prepare for a world where every day is full of terrible possibilities."
I could think of several other more encouraging things to say to childless me, but I figured I might as well prep for the worst, the good stuff can be a pleasant surprise.
I feel like it is two steps forward and three steps back with the house. We are very happy so far, but the progress has been slow, and the latest set back was this weekend with the insulation. We upgraded the insulation in the house from the typical bats of fiberglass to a blown in insulation that adds additional R-value. When we checked the house out on Friday, we saw that the insulation upgrade wasn't completed. So after all of the drywall was up on Sunday night, most if it had to come down on Monday to switch out the insulation. We are on track to have the house done by October 11th, and we will be working in some time to paint bedrooms next weekend. Though the painters will paint any color you want, it costs extra and we are cheap, so we are doing our "custom" colors on our own!
Pink for Thea, purple for Leila, and blue/gree for Cory and I.
Here are some pictures of the latest progress...our GREEN siding is almost done! :)
