True Story

In the theme of parenting decisions...

these are the lyrics to one of my very favorite songs of all time. Every time I hear this song I think of my girls and my heart swells with my love for them. The song is by Dar Williams and she does it beautifully:

The One Who Knows

Time it was I had a dream
And you're that dream come true.
If I had the world to give
I'd give it all to you.
I'll take you to the mountains,
I will take you to the sea.
I'll show you how this life became a miracle to me.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

All the things you treasure most
will be the hardest won.
I will watch you struggle long
before the answers come.
But I won't make it harder,
I'll be there to cheer you on.
I'll shine the light that guides you down
The road you're walking on.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

Before the mountains call to you,
before you leave this home,
Wanna teach your heart to trust
As I will teach my own.
But sometimes I will ask the moon
Where it shined upon you last
And shake my head and laugh and say
It all went by so fast.

You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day.
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done you'll be the one who knows.

4 months

(One day early)

It takes a village

I haven't ever read that book, though if the Coralville library has it on CD, I will probably give it a listen one of these days. The village I am referring to is the Howard Family babysitting network.

I have been back at work for about 6 weeks now...and so far I have had my wonderful sister Andrea watching my babies for one full work day, along with her countless other contributions, like driving me around to collect and drop off a rental car for my work trip last week. The Lovely Cassie has hurried home from her shifts to help watch the babes so I could take off for my trip, and she has been here to help Cory out with bedtime and dinner time when I couldn't be.
My mom has been sacrificing her own professional advancement and holding strong against pressure to work full time so that she can keep her "grandma day" and I can keep my manageable daycare costs and part time work.
If not for the support of my family, I would be spending half the time at home and paying double the cost for daycare.
I guess what I am trying to say here is, thank you. Thank you to my whole family for the sacrifices that you have made, and are making on behalf of me and my girls...I don't think there is any way that I could thank you enough for the gift of time with my kids. What a blessed life I lead.

Getting off the bus at the end of a school day when mom was home always excited me as a child. I remember one day coming home and mom had made us caramel popcorn for an afternoon snack. Sometimes when mom had been at home while we were at school I would come home to a clean bedroom when I had left a giant mess that morning. I loved that too.
I honestly hadn't given much thought to my own childhood when I have thought about how things would be for us raising the girls. How did I feel about how I spent my time? I remember a time when I spent my days with my dad on the farm while mom was at work. Highlight being the pork fritters with velvetta and ketchup that dad would make me for lunch. Low light would probably have to be the day that he wasn't paying that close of attention to me and I rubbed my arms all over this really soft pink stuff. Fiberglass insulation. It really isn't all that soft after a while.
I liked following my dad around while he worked. I also spent a lot of days with my mom. We did a lot of shopping, and eating at Mr. C's.
I remember days spent with "Grandma Marge" at her house in Tabor while my parents were working. And kool aid and bologna sandwiches at Debbie's house.

Now that Leila is getting to the age where I know that she is going to be keeping some of these memories we are making, I worry a little bit more about the way we are living our lives. Is she going to remember loving the weekends that we all have together? Will she appreciate her school days, or years from now will she wish that she hadn't been "raised" at Love-A-Lot?

When my Grandma died I thought about all of the lost time that I hadn't had with her after my family moved away from our home right down the road from her farm. At first I thought, "if only we had stayed...I would have had so much more time with her." But then I found comfort in the knowledge that when I visited her, I was really with her. I did not take her for granted. Every time I said goodbye, I told her that I loved her, and I know that she knew that not only did I love her, but I wanted to be with her and that is why I made that trek across the state to stay at her house.
I hope more than anything that Leila will remember fondly the days that she got to spend with her mom, watching movies, playing with Play doh, reading books and spending time at the library and the park. And I hope it feels special to her.

Some days I think too much, and I have had a few of those days lately.

I had a bad mommy moment this weekend...we were playing in a hotel swimming pool and Leila kept splashing me in the face. Annoying, but then Cory handed me Thea and when Leila continued to splash me, and now her sister I was getting frustrated with her, and I splashed her back. Right in the face. She looked down, and I thought she was going to cry. I felt like a pile of poo. Man, here we were trying to have a special family day and play in the pool...the first time this year that she has gotten to go to the pool...with a baby sister at home, it is hard to do things that a 3 year old enjoys, like swimming. She pouted for a while, and I tried not to cry. She moved on to continue to play and have a great time. I hope she doesn't remember that incident. I wonder if I will remember it when she is grown. Sometimes I wonder if I should have had to take some kind of test or something to prove I was grown up enough to have a kid.

Swim time!



Sharing Papa Carey's lap



Papa Ed helping to ice the gums

This week I had to spend a night away from my family to travel for work. Someone I work with asked me about my baby and how she was doing, as he also told me about his seven month old son. When I asked him what his wife did, he replied,"She stays home with our baby. I don't want someone else raising my kid." Ouch.

Teeth

I haz 1


And you can't see it.

Holiday Weekend!

This was the second year that Leila was really excited about fireworks. Here she is with little Sidney Pfeiffer watching some at home fireworks. She even managed to stay up late enough to see the Coralville fireworks. I love fireworks, but they are even better now that Leila and I can sit together and ooh and aah over our favorites!


Resting up after a walk through the fossil gorge at Coralville Lake

Cassie helped Leila cool off :)


Such an easy going baby. It was 85 degrees and the sun was hot. We stuck on the sunhat and glasses, rubbed on some sun block and she fell asleep in the baby carrier! Look at that smile!

An attempt at the water fountain...too cute not to capture.

I think these boys need a sister! :) Bryce and Eli really like Thea!

Jeans

make a baby look so grown up!

The little things...

One of the best things about being a mom to two...watching Thea's face light up and her little legs kicking when she sees big sister come near. I only hope she learns from Leila how to be a smart, sweet, brave little girl who will play with any kid who will have her and doesn't manage to pick up the stubbornness and tantrum throwing skills. I guess I should hope she doesn't pick those things up from me either, huh?

How you doin'?

She looks awfully cute in her bumbo seat...too bad her legs are too fat to sit in it for long. Her feet turn purple after a couple of minutes!


I bought a little floor gym at a garage sale, so far it is 3 dollars well spent. Leila likes to cheer Thea on as she attempts to lift her head during tummy time, and keep her company while she plays on her back too.



Makes a good sleeping mat too!

Got Milk?

I certainly do!! I have been blessed with an abundant supply of milk for my baby. Breastfeeding is something that I feel really good about doing for my children, and I know that I am giving my babies the best possible start in this world. Breast milk has shown to protect babies from all kinds of illnesses. In fact, when a mother is sick, she passes on the antibodies for her illness directly to her nursing infant to help and protect them from contracting the illness themselves.
Recent studies have shown that breastfed babies are even believed to have extra protection against childhood cancers. Another cool thing I recently learned about the boob juice...it has Stem cells in it! What an amazing substance.

Not to mention the benefits for me...reduced risk of both breast cancer and heart disease!

So, there actually is a point to this post. Because I am both blessed to have an abundant supply, and such a strong believer in the benefits of breastfeeding, I have decided to become a donor for the Mother's milk bank of Iowa. The milk bank provides milk to premature babies, who are often too underdeveloped to be able to process infant formula. It also provides milk to infants with other special needs, and contributes milk to be tested for the kinds of studies that result in more evidence for the merits of breastfeeding.
I added a ticker to the sidebar of my blog to track the number of ounces I am able to donate, on top of exclusively breastfeeding Thea. Wish me luck! And for those of you that are skeeved out by the idea of sharing breast milk, I have been through blood tests to ensure my health and my milk is very carefully handled, pasteurized and tested for bacteria before it is given to any other baby.

Here is some more information about the Mother's Milk bank of Iowa: http://www.uihealthcare.com/depts/uichildrenshospital/milkbank/index.html

My babes!

Our littlest hawkeye trying out the bumbo seat. Her legs are a bit on the chunky side and the bumbo was kind of a tight fit! :) And yes, her toe nails are painted.


Leila and her Pop pop. She loves him bunches, and every time she wants something that I am not giving to her she tells me, "I'm gonna have my pop pop buy it for me!"

3 Months

Already!

Work

The week before Thea was born I was planning to keep working even though I was past my due date. As it turned out I just couldn't handle it mentally anymore, or I may have lost it on some well meaning lady who couldn't help herself but to ask me, "When are you going to have that baby?!"

I wrote my boss an email to explain to her that I thought I needed to give up until after my maternity leave. I felt really bad about it and offered to do work from home if she wanted me to, and she responded to tell me that first of all she understood and second of all, the only one pressuring me to work was me and not to worry about it.

Now that I am back at work, and trying to make the part time schedule successful, I am constantly reminding myself that I am the only one putting on the pressure. It's true, but I have to remind myself of it. I am a people pleaser and I am not good at putting myself and my needs and my want to be home with my kids first. The truth is, I would feel a lot more comfortable and a lot less guilty if I was working full time, but I am a lot happier working part time. I am just not comfortable with being a special circumstance. Maybe less guilty isn't true...I do remember the guilt of full time daycare too, and it also isn't comfortable.

Now that I have Thea and she is such a good baby, about 70% of me wants to have a 3rd baby. Not now, but after Leila goes to kindergarten. The biggest reason I have for not having more kids...because I want to be able to give work all that is expected of me. If you can't tell, Mommy-Tricia and Work-Tricia are definitely at odds. As it stands right now, I feel like I am balancing those things, but Work-Tricia is tapping her foot and asking, "When are we going to get back on track?" Mommy-Tricia is thinking lets keep this up for the next decade or so and keep on spitting out those beautiful babies!

I think it might already be time to review my post from a couple of months back to remind me of how hard it is when babies don't sleep.

One thing I have learned...the best of both worlds doesn't really exist. Even with an understanding employer and a wonderful care provider for my children, the tug of war continues to rage.

Fun Days

Last night our friends Matt and Cindy brought their boys Bryce (3) and Elijah (1 1/2) up so we could take all of the kids to fun days. Fun Days is your typical community festival that they have here in North Liberty and last night was family appreciation night. It was so sweet to see how excited Bryce and Leila were to go to the carnival!
I so wish I had my camera with me :( Cory took a couple of pictures on his phone, if they turn out I will add them here so you can see how stinkin' cute you little babies were sitting in the mini Ferris wheel. As soon as they got in Bryce started getting scared and Leila was surprisingly happy. (She is a big wiener when it comes to "danger".) Once around and they were both yelling at the carnie that was manning the ride to let them off! :)
Leila loved the bounce house and was having a really good time checking out the rides. Then we came to the giant slide. It was one of those that you slide down a mat on to make you go faster. Leila really wanted to go on it. Now, knowing our Leila, and the fact that she won't go down even the larger slides at our little playground, I had my doubts.
She picked up her burlap mat and swung it over her shoulder as she took off up the steps with confidence. I watched my little girl from the ground where she looked so tiny, like a little baby trying to play with the big kids, while at the same time she looked so grown up, independent and brave. She didn't even ask her daddy to go with her on the slide, she was going to conquer this thing on her own! As I watched her climb the stairs I had a feeling of pride at her bravery and a giant smile on my face. Did I know this girl? I couldn't help but wonder what was changing in my little one to make her turn into such a big kid so quickly, when it seems like just weeks ago she was clinging to my side and begging me to rescue her from the tiniest bits of adventure at the local park.
Leila reached the top of the slide and she took her mat down off of her shoulder, set it down at the top of the slide and turned around and started back down the stairs. I couldn't help but laugh. Now that is my girl! :)
Cory ran up after her and helped her back up to retrieve the mat and then walked his baby girl all the way down the steps back to the safe and familiar ground. Maybe she isn't totally grown up after all. I don't mind.
After the slide experience we tried a couple more rides. One was a big maze that the kids could run through that included climbing a rope wall, and crossing a swinging bridge. After she started through the maze I noticed the swinging bridge. Leila does not do swinging bridges. Matt and Elijah went and saved our little princess and carried her down. We capped off the night with a ride on the little planes that go around in circles. Leila and Elijah enjoyed the ride, and as they flew around the circle I could hear Leila singing the theme song to her favorite cartoon...Little Einsteins. If you don't know the show, it is 4 little kids that go on adventures in a rocket, that looked a bit like the little pink plane that our kids were riding on.
What a great night!

This picture is hilarious...Leila's first attempt at photography!


Leila holding her baby sister, also hilarious because Thea looks HUGE


Look at how adorable I am!?!?!


Leila wanted Thea to play playdoh with her...this was my solution. Cute baby feet x2!


If there were audio on this photo you would hear two kids banging away on the piano and Leila singing at the top of her lungs, "I want to be, part of that world!" (lately she rotates between 101 Dalmations and The Little Mermaid--She likes to kick it old school)


And once again, Look at how adorable I am!?!?!

Musings from the Mother's Room

Today ended my first week back at work. Overall I would say it has been a success. I already have some work assignments that I am pretty excited about and Thea has been doing well with daycare. Both days she refused her first bottle, but stubbornness gave way to hunger and she took her other bottles with no problems. It just isn't the same as getting it straight from the tap!

My workplace is a pretty mother friendly environment, not only am I able to work this part time schedule while my baby is young, but they also provide a private room to be used for pumping. The mother's room is off of one of the women's restrooms in my building. The room has a comfy chair, a little table, a small refrigerator and a massage table. Don't ask my why there is a massage table, I really don't get that.

Twice a day I grab my portable pump, Bessie(I am thinking we spend enough time together that she deserves a name), and head on up to the dairy barn.

I have been listening to The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People while I pump. It is kind of strange to lactate to Steven Covey, but I am getting used to it. I was thinking about this the other day and wondering if I was programing myself to have milk let down when I hear discussion of emotional bank accounts and paradigm shift. I hope not. Funny how The 7 Habits continues to remind me the strategies I just learned about dealing with children in 1-2-3 Magic.

Today when I arrived in the room there were two trashy tabloid magazines. It was almost serendipitous, given that I had forgotten to bring my iPod. A sure sign that God wanted me to read up on the latest with Jon and Kate + 8, so I did just that.

I am curious about the other women that use the Mother's room. When I was pumping for Leila for 10 straight months I had an idea of who the other mom's were. Sometimes I would have to wait outside the room for my turn. One unfortunate time I walked in on a woman during her pump session. Awkward!

Back then, aside from the faces of women who worked on other contracts and I had no interaction with, I knew them only by their pumps. Along with me and my Medela there was also an Ameda Purely Yours and another Medela, a few years old so I assumed that mom was not on her first babe.

2 years later I am back in the pumping room and I have yet to see another pump, but I was greeted during my first trip to the Mother's room by two photographs stuck to the fridge. Two pictures of baby boys. I brought a picture in to work with me today of my baby girl to post next to the little boys but I forgot on both trips to bring it to the room.

I remember back in 2006 when I sat in the mother's room on my first day back from work crying while I pumped because I missed my baby girl so badly, looking down at the older Medela pump lined up along the wall and wondering how that Mom was able to put herself through this twice. I wonder if some new mom will see my pump sitting on the massage table and have the same thought about me. Maybe I should leave a note on Bessie "It gets easier, and it is so worth it."

The forgotten family member...

has been getting some more attention these days. Leila really likes to give Zoey treats and Sawyer has finally decided to get over his fear and give Zoey a chance.