Dear Leila

It seems like every day you amaze me in a new way. I remember when you were a tiny baby in my arms and watching your little brown eyes exploring the world around you would set my mind wondering what you could possibly be thinking about. Now I have the joy of your voice to fill me in on just what is going on in that little head of yours.
When it is my turn to tuck you in at night I like to lay down in your bed next to you and curl up under the covers. You like to ask me what the best part of my day was. Most of the time my answer has something to do with you and your sister. The worst part of my day is generally something related to my work. But you, my sweet girl always have a hard time deciding what the best part of your day was. Sometimes it is time spent at school with your friends, and sometimes it is the memory of a family activity. I love how no matter how rough of an evening we may have had, or how hard you fought us about trying your dinner, your answer to the question about the worst part of your day is nearly always, "My day didn't have a worst part, it was all good."
When I think about my life, and how things have changed over the last five years, the world is a totally different place to me, because you are in it. There is no worst part when I get to be your mama.

Love you baby girl.

Three weeks ago was the last time we nursed...she is finally weaned! And she is beautiful!

Most of the time I am not a fun mom. Its ok, I can admit it. I yell at my big kid a lot. Not because I like to yell, but because for some reason my normal speaking voice is inaudible to her 4 year old ears. I can talk and talk and talk, but until I yell, she simply can't hear me. I spend a lot of time counting, or threatening to count, (1-2-3 Magic, if you get to 3, you dole out a time out). Leila hears a lot of "be quiet" "stop that" "be nice to your sister" "put that down" "its time to go now!" You get the picture. I don't like it, I wish we could be buddies, and have fun together all of the time, but the fact is, she is a bit out of control, and I owe it to her and the rest of the world to keep things under wraps in the hopes that when she leaves my home without me, I won't get a call to come and get the beast.

I love my kids, I love to please them, and I really love to surprise them. Today we went to visit a friend of mine and her babies for a while after lunch. Leila REALLY didn't want to leave, but I made her. We had the talk that we frequently have these days when she is being forced to leave somewhere that she wants to stay. The talk goes something like this, "Leila, you know that Mommy wants to take you to fun places, but if you want to get to come back you need to be a big girl and leave when I say it is time to go." After a couple of rounds she usually gets it, and today was one of those times. On the way home she said to me, "Mommy, I really didn't want to go home." So as we turned off towards our summer home and approached the elementary school that we drive past nearly everyday, I pulled into the parking lot and said to Leila, "How about we don't go home? Wanna get out and play?" And so we did. I followed my girls around the playground trying to snap pictures and also keep Thea from taking off and out of my reach. Leila wasn't interested in slowing down for a photo op, and I can't blame her, this was stolen playground time. This wasn't a typical planned trip to the park, this was an out of left field, pull into a parking lot and explore a playground she had never seen before kind of afternoon.

Lift

Have you ever read a book that resonated so closely with your own experience that you are simultaneously enthralled by the beautiful way that *your* experience was presented to you in prose while also feeling a nagging sense of failure for not beating them to it? Afterall, this is exactly how you feel!

Lift, By Kelly Corrigan was a Mother's Day present from my dear husband and children. I opened it up on Mother's Day morning and set it aside to go about the busy life that is waiting on children, cleaning up after a family and hustling out the door to make it to Grandma Lori's house in time to prepare a holiday lunch for the family. You know, mom stuff.

The other morning I found myself with a sleeping baby, occupied pre-schooler and no internet access so I reached for the book. Leila noticed me reading it right away and she said, "Mommy! that is the book we gave you about being a mom!" I was immediately glad that I had picked it up when I could see how proud Leila was to see me using the gift that she gave to me, wrapped up in paper that she and her baby sister had lovingly decorated with crayon.

The book is a quick read, and one that made me wish that I could write. It is the kind of book that I think any mother, any parent, any person who views their life in terms of a risk/reward matrix can relate to. Beautifully written, even if you don't enjoy regular reading, if you have a spare couple of hours give it a try!

Bedtime

Tonight I was rocking baby Thea in a failed attempt to get her to sleep. Over the course of her lifetime, the bedtime routine has been fairly consistent. I will nurse her, and sometimes that is enough to send her to dreamland but if not, Daddy would step in and take Thea down to his man room to rock her to sleep while he plays NCAA football on his Xbox. Now that we have the apartment and no second living room, I have had the duty of rocking baby girl to bed on occasion, while Cory keeps Leila occupied (and quiet) in her room.

If you have ever done any reading about getting babies to sleep then you know that one of the rules of thumb is to avoid eye contact with your baby when you want them to sleep. Maybe that is why I am a fairly consistent failure at rocking to sleep...I can not resist those sweet little eyes and every time I look down at her, she reaches up, touches my face and giggles in delight. Rocking baby duty, even if not successful is definitely a rewarding job.