Realizations

1. Tonight Thea seemed to work herself into quite a dilemma trying to decide if, after announcing that she had to poop and being offered candy to deposit said poop in the potty chair, it was worth it to go with the unfamiliar, or to cry for a diaper and miss out on a chance at candy. I realized that even though she ultimately went with the diaper and no candy, potty training and life without diapers isn't all that far in our future.

2. This one is a bit of a twofer. The girls and I went to the library this evening. I wanted to check out photography and weight loss books, and the kids love the library. My first realization is that if I don't know exactly what I am looking for, going to the library with my kids is going to be a frustrating waste of time. I came home with two books that I am 90% sure I won't end up reading. Secondly, the Coralville Library has a display of new books right in the main entrance. I tend to scan the new books, grab what looks interesting and carry it off to the kids area so I can decided if I want to take it home or not while the girls are playing. Today I picked up a book that was some kind of comedy infused memoir about motherhood. I flipped into the center, read a few lines and promptly set it aside. It occurred to me that I am so over reading mommy confessions of guilt. Ugh, so over done. Of course it is, because ALL MOM's struggle with these things. So yes, blah blah you don't always make your kids wash their hands, me either.
As a side-note, I realize that if everyone felt that way, my readership would be down to zero. And I do enjoy a good "Mom blog" mostly because I know and love the mom who writes it. And also, I will admit it is a bit of sour grapes. I want a damn book too.

3. It isn't just my body that is fat. I have the mind of a fat person, and I don't know how to change that. I have been working out at least 3 times a week for 4 months now and I haven't lost a pound. Why is that? Because as dedicated as I can be to working out, I have no control over my eating. I can't not let myself feel that comforting and familiar sensation of fullness. And not veggie fullness. Carb fullness. Cheese. Bread. Chocolate. When I think of how far I could have been on the journey to not fat if I had just stopped feeding my face like each meal was my last back in November when I joined a gym, my frustration bubbles over. I don't understand how people manage to eat healthy amounts of healthy food. My fat girl mind can't fathom it and even trying makes me tired. And hungry.