Changes

I have this habit. A couple of times a year I find myself feeling totally disgusted with myself. Then I decide to make some changes. The list usually consists of: regular exercise, eating more vegetables, getting up earlier in the morning, stop biting my nails, losing massive amounts of weight, watching less TV, spending less time on the internet, eating at home more, not drinking pop....you get the picture.

So that is how it starts. And it usually ends with me being overwhelmed, failing big time at at least one of the above and then saying to hell with it all and returning to the status quo. Which is why I currently don't exercise, weigh too much, eat too much junk, drink tons of pop, wake up at the last possible minute in the morning, watch too much TV and spend too much time on the internet. Oh, and I bite my nails, and yes I know that is gross and immature.

This time I decided to give myself a little break, and see if I could maybe do better just focusing on a couple of items. So far I am on day 5 of not biting my nails, and I though I am not counting every calorie, I am making a true effort to lose weight.

Yesterday, day four, as I drove home from work I was so hungry that I was sure that my stomach was eating itself. All I could think about was this one jagged fingernail that was taunting me to just put it out of its misery and bite it off! It was a torturous drive, running my finger over the top of that nail, thinking about pulling into every gas station in eye shot and buying a huge pop and a oatmeal creme pie. This is hard stuff.

I surprised my weak will power by making it all the way home and snacking on a banana while I walked the dog. That banana sucked. I still want an oatmeal creme pie. And a nail file.